“I made a mistake; I should never have gotten married to you!”
“We made a mistake; we should have never gotten married!”
We’re human and mistake making prone, is this reason good enough to justify divorce?
One of the conclusions I’ve come to is that getting married is not the mistake people think they make. The mistake they actually make is fall in love. What? You don’t agree? I see you shaking you head there! You’re appalled and you’re thinking “what’s getting into Fitèna?! She’s going bananas? It’s normal to fall in love. It’s great….”
What do we fall in love with anyway?
The way she walks. The way he cocks his head when he’s listening to you. They way she says your name. The way he talks about his brothers’ kids. The way she puts her hair up. His smile. Her throat laugh. His sense of humor. Her joie de vivre. His zodiac sign. She loves football. He real looks at you. She does not look through you and gives you her full attention.
You’re in love. You date. The sky is blue, the love is true and whom you love is “you”.
“The way she walks. The way he cocks his head when he’s listening to you. They way she says your name. The way he talks about his brothers’ kids. The way she puts her hair up. His smile. Her throat laugh. His sense of humor. Her joie de vivre. His zodiac sign. She loves football. He real looks at you. She does not look through you and gives you her full attention.”
You get all of that plus the person.
Person as in: Bad hair days. Is a vegetarian and you’re not. Is a cleanliness freak and you’re not. Brother-in-law not a very nice person. Sister-in-law calls at all times because sibling was there for her before you came along. Mother in law calls you “mon enfant” and you hate that but can’t bring yourself to tell her. You tell other party. Other party thinks you’re exaggerating. Because other party THINKS and your thought s and his/hers might clash. As is it, you don’t like his red shirt, the one he wore on your first date and you thought it looked great. As it is, he thinks you should cut your hair. As is it, you think he should grow up and quit making jokes all the time. You forget that that’s what you fell in love with.
You wake up one morning and you definitely don’t recognize the other party. “I made a mistake” you think.
You think wrong. You just fell in love with 15% of the person and forgot the 85% essentials.
Trying to change the other into someone who corresponds more to what the ideal partner is for us. Being always together, doing everything together, going everywhere together. These are the other factors which, I think, lead to divorce. To overcome them shouldn’t be a very very arduous task, if you believe in your couple but “Its over, you’re a good person and am sure you’ll find someone…” blablablabla….
“Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
But what do I know anyway. I’ve no experience in the matter. Maybe you’d care enough to enlighten me.