Thursday, 17 August 2006


After Broken and Robbed below, I thought it was time for something super light. This is a rechauffé from my old home but it's still good!

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men:

*Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.*

Here is a guide to the point system:

You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
In the rain (+8)
But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)

You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
Named Tina (-4)
Tina is a dancer (-6)
Tina has silicon implants (-80)

You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matterWHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

Now what chance do you have???

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ChickyBabe said...

I love the -ve points for the BIG question! And they lose points for buying gifts they like, eg the DVD you always wanted...

Adeline said...

this is very hilarious.

esp the part about lying and saying that it was a foreign movie about orphans.

i think alot of this goes out the winder in marraige.

atpanda said...

Boys do struggle with us, don't they? :-)

Fitèna said...

ChickyBabe, right! :-)
Don't think they've got any chance, do they?

Adeline, I don't know why that part made e think of Russia. Whever I reread it, I think "must have lied about the movie being one about russian orphans"!

atpanda, we can't be blamed for the perpetual insatisfaction of the human nature, can we? :-)


Roberta said...

We are so hard on men. I try, really try, to give 'wins' for not only the good stuff, but the expected.

I think you will enjoy this piece I wrote:

(only I can't for the life of me figure out how to hyperlink so it's called Right After May Sweeps Comes Summer Reruns posted on June 1st. grrr html.)

waz said...

i guess we, guys, never learn from our mistakes! :P
even though i'm a guy, i've to admit zats a good one Fitena!!!
the other side of the story: ze sistahood no offence meant!!!! written in a spirit of jest...

winters said...

Bonjoir Fitèna.

My name is Winters, and I live in Paris.

I will read this post very soigneusement and try to become a better man.

A bientot.

Adeline said...

Fitena, what in the world is


explain please!

le pamplemousse! un saucisson! un peu du beurre!

I think the only unit I paid attention was the food unit. Go figure.

Fitèna said...

Roberta no guilt, we can't help being what we are, can we? so no guilt or anything of that sort! :-p

And don't force yourself when the wins aren't deserved ok! (wow, I am hard!)

Don't worry about the link; join the clud, can't figure it out either! I'll check with waz below who linked to his post.

waz, its good to see that some men admit as much! :-)

I know its a good one dear (don't forget that you're expected to like everything we do, say, or write!)

Be over to have a look at that one, its better be good! :-p

Bienvenu et Bonjour winters!

You live in Paris? Are you trying to make me jeaoulous? Well am not! duh! :-)

Believe me, if you're reading this post and very soigneusement at that, you have very good chances of being a better man!!!

Adeline, Garam Masala and all of the above should be mixed soigneusement! (carefully)!


Aulelia said...

but maybe men should just have their own manual. fitena, you should send this out to all the men you know >> who knows, you could save a relationship.

Adeline said...


Fitena! Do you actually mix garam masala with pamplemousse, le buerre and saucisson? Man you should have your own cooking show!

Is that a Mauritian recipe?


Anonymous said...

Ah, women! You give them the world and in return they wake you up at 2 AM wanting a slice of strawberry cake with icing. James Bond was right; the world is not 'nuff. ;p

p.s I can hear the flame war coming

waz said...

(don't forget that you're expected to like everything we do, say, or write!)

- a threat!?! :P

aadil said...

The anonymous comment was from me. Not that I chickened out in the last second before typing my name. It's just that my browser was behaving weird recently. ;d

kimananda said...

Hi Fitena, I'm back after my summer travels, and this post has made me laugh! I then read it to my boyfriend...I hope it's o.k. that he know a bit of the rules of the game he is unwittingly playing. So, for example he knows that he isn't getting any points for taking me out to dinner tonight for my birthday, but that he'll get a point if it isn't a sports bar. So, your post is entertaining and educational! :-)

Margaret said...

I'm loving on your stick figures!

Jaimie said...

Like the math!

Fitèna said...

Aulelia, I did! It made them laugh which proves just how much they have no idea of the gravity of their situation!
I might do just that, save a relationship!

Adeline, Oh no! I don't!!! :-) I'll send you as many mauritian recipes are you like! Email me!

Aadil, wait a minute; that's a pregnant woman you're talking about, right? Non pregnant woman don't wake up at 2 for a slice of strawerry cake with or without icing.
The James Bond comment am not taking up. Let the war be. But I believe that the ladies in here won't bite! :-)

waz, touchy one, ain't you!? *rubing hands* am going to have loas of fun! :P

aadil was it? I'd never have guessed! :-p You? Chickening out? No, no, of course not! It's all the browser's fault, I know! *nodding wisely*

Hey ya kim, glad to see you back!
You did good! That's the point; saving men by teaching some rules :-)
So, what sort of bar was it?

Margaret, somehow I just knew you would! :-)

Jaimie, This is the sort of stuff which makes me wonder why I never loved maths!


kimananda said...

Hi Fitena,

Well, to answer your question...first we went to a famous cake place, and had cake and hot chocolate...and my boyfriend is not much into sweets. Then we went to a restaurant serving traditional Danish food, which I've wanted to got to for a while. Then we went into a nice quiet bar for an exotic drink. So, basically, mega points for him. :-)

Fitèna said...

Well, good for you! Didyou make him read this before going out!? :-)


teep said...

What chance do I have?

Every time I get out of bed and pummel her pet with an iron rod, I earn +5 points!

Utilitarianism is good fun! :)

Fitèna said...

Really? wow! tell me teep, do you pummel it senseless? :-)