Thursday, 26 October 2006

Days (and nights) spoiling thoughts

Eid was great. The cake was yummy. Mum made the tastiest food. It tasted even better since we haven't had that much to eat during Ramadan. After a whole day fast, you just don't feel like eating, believe me. But eating a lot on Eid day is a mistake. A great mistake. By 2 a. m. I was sleeping on my feet my brain completely shut. You're supposed to take it easy on the stomach on the first days. We always forget. But this is not what kept me awake yesterday night.

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Its been a week since I've had a good night sleep. I push bed time away and distract myself till I can't take it anymore. I don't get into bed because thats where the thoughts come back, rush in and out and rob me off my sleep. So whats the use of going to bed.

Yesterday night I watched Gangs of New York when everybody else went to bed. It ended around 1.30 a.m. What to do. I picked up “L'épreuve final” by Linda Fairstein where I'd left it. Got bored by 2.45 a.m. I needed to wake up at 6.30 to get ready for work so I had to sleep a bit. I went to wash my face, drank a glass of water, switched off the light and got in bed.

Just one word. Its been haunting me aver since I wrote The Arrival. I might be be speaking and it stops me in mid-sentence. I might be singing under the shower and it makes me turn icy cold. I might be laughing and it suddenly takes away the sweetness of the moment. I start composing a post and my fingers refuse to type. They hover over the same letters on the keyboard.

I find it even more strange since death and eschatology are parts of my daily life. They've never kept me awake like the thought of “I won't be there to write The Exit”.

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Solz said...

hey goog post and a great blog. by the way a happy belated eid mubarak 2 u

Solz said...

good post tht is

Adeline said...

I have this too. I have had it since I was a teen.

The problem is getting to work the next day. My saving pharmaceutical is Ambien. I take it only the nights before I work and go to bed before 11.

I cannot believe how much things change with a proper amount of sleep on a regular basis. No more mid afternoon naps and much more energy.

I hope that you too can find a solution. the racing thoughts and cold chilly ones rob our joy.

GirlGoyle said...

Sleeplessness sux. But why worry about something you have no power over? You had no power over the "arrival" and it turned out to be good. I'm sure the "exit" will be just as good. Have faith.

Winters said...

Hi Fitena,

I'm glad you had a great Eid.

Speaking about it reminds me of happy times I had during the three years I spent in Indonesia.

Sorry I've been so slack visiting you. I'll be more faithful from now on. That's a promise.

A bientot,


Margaret said...

On a lighter note, the cake looks delicious!

fringes said...

Yes, the cake looks yummy!

Sorry about the sleeplessness.

Anonymous said...

F, the cake the cake the cake!!!

ChickyBabe said...

Let's share this lovely cake and toast to your health! :)

Fitèna said...

Solz, thank you for the compliment and the eid wish!

Solz, Glad you liked the post and the blog!

Adeline :-) I once read in readers digest about owing one's body sleep. It was explained like a banker would; about how the hours you owe are added up added up and howthe more the debt is high the more restless you are an unable to sleep - a vicious circle. I try not to have to resort to medication. Am told milk is good, I've been trying it this week end and it seems to be working. But not pushing the toughts away, that would take some time....

GirlGoyle, Am already feeling better! :-) You're certainly right! I shall keep that in mind!

Winters, Thank you!
Ce n'est absolument pas grave, you're here right!? C'est l'essentiel! :-)

Margaret, it tasted delicious too! :-)

fringes, You have no idea how much! Its a black forest and so chocolaty good!

Aulelia, yes, yes, yes! :-)

ChickyBabe, Cheers!