Monday, 30 October 2006


Her mother couldn’t be wrong. Could she? Even is she were all the women in her family just couldn’t be I the wrong. Could they? Let alone the women in her family, but the women in her village and country! What she’s been taught a girl since childhood is what all the little girls of generations preceding hers were taught and what the coming generations would be taught too. Would she be in the wrong if she taught her daughter the same things? She was starting to think so and that was wrong.

Princess, you and your prince love each other. But life is not all about love. We change; our emotions and feelings do too. Circumstances and time are the culprits. There is nothing you and I can do about it. If you rebel then things wouldn’t turn out right for you, they never do for a Princess. If you chose to swallow your pride then…

This is what they're all told. But what had her mother and the women in her family be exactly telling her? She had absolutely no idea. All she could thing of was the time she and prince would finally be married. What a fool she’d been. She thought she’d be the happiest bride, not unhappy like her mother who was unhappy for reasons she wouldn’t share with her.

Now listening to her friend telling her about her prince’s infidelity filled her with humiliation. She’d been a good wife and an excellent mother to their child. Why? She couldn’t come up with a single explanation. Her friend looked at her reading the thoughts that she knew were running through her head. The questions, the justifications that she’d try to come up with to excuse him, the faults she’d try to find in herself to explain his unfaithfulness, but still the questions and again the questions…

Princess looked at her child, the girl smiled at her mother. Tears filled Princess’ eyes. Her friend squeezed her hand.

If you were Princess (Or Prince if it’d been the other way around), what would you do? Why?

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ChickyBabe said...

Such a difficult situation. I guess after the shock, I'd want to know why. But I don't think one could say unless they've been in the situation.

Margaret said...

punch him? I don't know.

Fitèna said...

CB, I always saw that what hurts the more in such situation is the "not-knowing". After you're done with the heartbreak the questions still haunt you.
But imagine you eing in such a situation, what do you think you'd do? (I know this is going to be an objective answer.)

Margaret, She would, if that would have solevd anything!


GirlGoyle said...

You pick up what is left of your pride and you move on. There are many reasons for infidelity and sometimes they can't even be explained in words. Like you said...things change, people change and grow apart. There really isn't a fault here unless it was done to purposefully hurt someone - but usually that isn't the case.

imagined-community said...

man, infidelity is not something you move on from overnight. What would I do? I would hang with every friend I have who would tell me that they love me, they value me, and that it was not my fault. It's not Princesses fault!!! A person makes a choice to be unfaithful, and the unfaithful person ultimately holds the responsibility and the shame of THEIR action. There is no reason for Princess to feel ashamed. That shame is not hers to carry, it's his. No matter that he is her husband, that shame is his alone.

Fitèna said...

Girgoyle, You're right and its sad that you do end up hurting the other, no matter what!

I. Community, well, this sure knocks one's confidence down. And being told you're loved and valued must help.

Girgoyle & I. Community talking about choices, this may sound cliché but why is it that the "turned-to" party does not tell herself/himself if the partner left someone for them that he might do the same thing tomorrow to them? I mean, it does not necessarily have to end that way but what if?


val said...

yes , what if??? but just nothing!
then , you will know that he did not deserve a second chance!
according to me, it s not so easy to answer this question , neither it is to take a decision. you have to deal with the past and the future , what you have shared together , what you mean to each other and then , you decide ... but no matter where your thoughts take you to , somehow, you need to ask yourself, if you've made a mistake. i won't say , shame, but just a mistake, a misunderstanding! i still wonder if it's possible that the infaithful is a only guilty person in that matter... becoz often , something brings him to that!
for sure , he has to face his choice, becoz he did it and it's bad! he has to carry his cross , work on it , and do whatever he can to bring you back , to have your forgiveness, to convince you that he is gonna make it again(that's the difficult part)and try to save what can be saved in your relationship!
i think , i will cry , i will shout all my anger, i might feel 1% guilty , and then feel revolted, then desappointed... so many feelings can change a mind. i will end up like "I-community" hanging out with friends to try to forget and rebuild myself! everything depends on how strond is your love and how the unfaithful person behave after that!
but tell me guys , fo you really believe in this ever after love ??? do really think that someone , man or woman , can be faith for all the life? for all 20 , 30 years you'll spend together?
as for me , i'm still wondering!

Adeline said...

infidelity isnt one decision, its many many little decisions. many many many.

it isnt one moment of weakness, it is many choices.

i have a friend who uses the line "this is what he drove me to do"

I don't buy it. we all control our own selves. we make choices to love, to fantasize, to entertain notions.

if i ever cheated on my husband I would have an intense sense of guilt. marraiges is a commitment, for better or worse. and sometimes the worse is unthinkable and your work is cut out for you. infidelity only makes a mess bigger. one shouldn't let their humanity be an excuse for behavior that shows a lack of integrity.

theres some moral grandstanding for ya. hmph!

Anonymous said...

infidelity is selfish indulgence and it is definitely isnt accidental. i keep hearing from some friends who it cant be helped but if you are committed, it can and you should try your hardest not to. Princess is unlucky but karma works in weird ways...he will definitely get his.

Fitèna said...

Val, I definitely think that one can. Remain faithful I mean. But then , to be realistic and objective am not talking about one entertaining thoughts about someone else.
I know, and we'd all agree that it takes two to tango but I've come to the conclusion that that's the sort of stuff one tells oneself either to ease the guit (for the cheater) or justify the situation (for the cheated). So, I just don't buy it that someone has to e at fault for the unfaithfulness of the other.

Adeline, I hear you! :-) You're so very right about it being a choice! It now makes me laugh when I hear of partners sleeping around and not leaving the one they're with because they don't want to hurt them.

Aulelia, what goes around comes around, right!