"If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.
I have lumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull - but that's not the worst of it.
My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as a little MG - now they look more like my mom's old Buick.
Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Ben & Jerry's opened a shop in my neighbourhood.
Air bags? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not counting the saddlebags, of course.
I have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when is the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against depreciation?
I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
I'm burning fuel at an inefficient rate.
But here's the worst of it: almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter, I leak fluids.
I'm so ready for a trade in!
Anyone know where I can get a good deal?"